so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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