does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
