oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
