I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
