I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize