Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
