I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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