i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
