it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
