i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
