Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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