I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
