drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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