The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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