Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
