Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
