As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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