im calling her cock vulture from now on
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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