you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
