Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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