Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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