We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
