I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
