He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
