Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
