i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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