her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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