i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
