Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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