I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
