i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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