Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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