I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Can I color on your dick again?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
