I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
