I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
