My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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