Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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