We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize