Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
