after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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