hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
