Dual....:-)
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
