Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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