I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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