Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize