Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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