my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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