My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
