you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize