It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
