I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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