why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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