He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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