when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
