I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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