like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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