Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize