god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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