Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize