I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
