forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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