Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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