Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
