I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
