you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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