Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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