Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there's paper in my vomit.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
