I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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