like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
