Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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