i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i out mim tonsoeep
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
