would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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