Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
