Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize