Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize