five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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