She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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