Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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