Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Still dying that you shit outside
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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