If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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