I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
