I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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