Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
