How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
