God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize