i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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