Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize