my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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