Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
