how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's blow job season.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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