I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
