____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
