Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
