1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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