I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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