You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
