Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
