Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
