You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
