tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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