I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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