I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
