I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Oh god it's open bar.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
