dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
