i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
