Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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