I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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