I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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