I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
should my penis look like a turkey
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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