did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
