Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
