the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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