I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
