every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
