The maid of honor just puked.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
