I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize