You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
