No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
why do cheetos always look like penises
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
