I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
