Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
