I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
